Rachel Azrin, Board Certified Behavior Analyst
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How do I relax when my kids are upsetting me!

2/19/2014

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Parents and Caregivers often become frustrated with clients or their own children. This occurs even more often when working with children with behavior problems or diagnosis such as autism.  The following are some tips for handling stressful days!
1.  Parents and Caregivers should plan time to take breaks from teaching and relax. Parents can do this by hiring a babysitter, having time for walks, taking deep breaths, relax each muscle systematically in your body,  count to ten or baths to relax. Time for yourself is important to keep your balance when dealing with difficult behavior problems.
2. Incorporate time for teaching your children into your routine so that you can accomplish errands and not become overwhelmed with activities in your day.
3.  When you realize you are feeling tired or stressed a quick trip to the bathroom, drink some cold water or other drink or to relax in a soft chair may help you to cope with a stressfull situation.  After you are calm then return to the situation and things will be easier to resolve. 
4.  If you child does something upsetting in a public place you may have to work on this problem at a later time. Perhaps roleplaying difficult situations after dinner or brainstorming theses situations will help you to avoid these upsetting situations in their future.
5.  Parents or caregivers can change a stressful situation into an appropriate one by simply changing the subject.  For example, the parent might say wow  look at the rain outside it is really pouring or I can't find my cellphone can you help me find it. 
6.  Parents can have cue words for their children that they say when they are getting upset so the child is aware and can avoid a big argument. Parents might say for example "use your words and ask me what you want". This is a good cue or reminder for the child and this can result in a more appropriate or less upsetting interaction with the parent. 
Parents and caregivers must realize that their own behavior can escalate a problem. By making efforts to relax, change the subject or talk about similar situations (role play) later you can reduce the number of situations that upset you and your child in the future. 
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